Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
