At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
