i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
