Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
