Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're too hungover to prance.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
