i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
