It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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