my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
