just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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