a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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