apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
