I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
