You made me cry and you don't even care
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
