ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
