dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
