you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
