I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize