Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
