What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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