I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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