i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found a bag of teeth...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
