This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
