Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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