Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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