Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
