Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
