What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Shame - the story of my life.
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