First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The power of my boobs compel you
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
