don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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