he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
