So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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