this boner is exhausting
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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