I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
