I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize