If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
