don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
