she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
