I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
