he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize