i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
