some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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