I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
