You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
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