i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
