but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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