I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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