I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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