I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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