His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
