we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
