idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
