i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
