youre lurking in front of me
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
