Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize