At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
