i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
