i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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