i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
