at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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