Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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