Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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