if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
When are your genitals available?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
