dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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