after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
