yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
