Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
