I want to make a zoo with you.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
