okay pat passed out under dana's car
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
